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  • #268431

    Anonymous

    I am a 37 year old African American physician, living in New York. I traveled to Brazil with 5 of my friends for the 2014 world cup. We encountered many friendly Brazilians during our travels to different games. It so happened that I met a 32 year old mulatto, who is a single mother from Campo Bom. Since returning to the New York, we have kept in touch on Facebook and by whatsapp. We chat everyday and are developing a close friendship. My Portuguese is average, but I am taking classes. She wants me to visit her soon and meet her family, which is fine with me. She works at a hair salon and did not attend college. I could tell she wasn’t highly educated by her Portuguese. I have asked her on several occasions if she wants money for paying bills, and she has declined my offers.
    Do Brazilians have long distance relationships?
    Since she is from a lower socioeconomic class, what should I expect in terms of a possible romantic relationship?

  • #268432

    agri2001
    Participant

    Doc, I can assure you of one thing…It will cost you, maybe not now but later..for sure!

    As far as your long distance relationship, they just don’t work, whether you are from the USA, Brazil, or Napal.

  • #268433

    Anonymous

    Yeah,
    I was thinking the same thing as well. She might be looking at the “bigger picture.” Even American girls can be gold diggers. Only time will tell. I was granted a 10 year tourist visa by the Brazilian embassy in New York which seemed excessive to me. I will just have fun and explore the country!

  • #268435

    Anonymous

    I will keep you posted.

  • #268436

    jabomano
    Member

    It’s hard to say what she’s up to. But as long as it’s fine with your, go and visit her and meet her family. That at least shows she’s interested in something serious. Otherwise she would want you to meet her family.
    If you visit her, have a hotel reservation for the first week, don’t stay at her place, in case she offers it. This way you have your “own” kind of place and retreat. In case it doesn’t go well with her, you don’t risk that she’ll throw all your stuff in the street or even keep it.
    If she’s really up to get money from you she’ll let you know soon enought. Get suspicious if suddenly her mom or any other relative gets sick and she will ask you for money to pay a doctor or hospital. Or someone needs to pay a lawer or an over due bill or taxes !!!
    Cool

  • #268437

    Anonymous

    Interesting, why would anyone just send money? Do guys really do that? I would be more inclined to say, buy a gift or two.

  • #268438

    graham
    Participant

    If you needto ask this question, you definitely have something to learn. That may be whyyou are a successful professional now attracted to dalliance in Brasil. Nothingwrong with pleasurable new relationshipsâ‚Ǩ¬¶especially with, as has been calledhere: dusky maidens.

    I suggestyou enjoy, but use restraint when it comes to giftsâ‚Ǩ¬¶especially in cash. This isnot a good beginning basis for any relationship. If you are playing with theidea of a serious relationship, you will do well to remember two big apparentdifferences between you and this namorada: class and culture. Big gaps in eithercan be big hurdles if things go from mere friendship to something more enduring;both combined will double the odds for misunderstanding and dishonesty. Ponder the”extraordinary” factors before proceeding too far.

    My now brasilianwife and I had a long distance relationship before we married. We were bothprofessionals, and we also had the wherewithal to travel extensively back andforth to get familiar with family and friends from both sides of our life. Now,after years of marriage, I can definitely say that the cultural differences ofour backgrounds definitely were a challenge to our happiness. Fortunately, weworked through (most!) of these, but it was not easy. A lot depended on ourpersonality, character and mutual desires. Thankfully, the “class” of ourbackgrounds was never a big issue, except she still likes to spend money inways I never would. Meh, small compromise, no? We are happy.

    Good luck. PS: If you ever decide to get together on apermanent basis, remember things like visas and the non-user-friendlybureaucracy of immigration between the US and Brasil. You will then probably returnto this forum with a raft of questions to add to those who have already beendown this road. It ain’t easy.

  • #268439

    Anonymous

    Newyork37. So you met a 32 year-old duskymaiden who had a kid in tow. Allow me to tell you that it would have beenhighly irregular if you hadn’t. Brazil has a super abundance of this varietyand each having a similar uniqueness to that of a single sardine within theshoal. Every one of them have been primed, locked and loaded in anticipation ofthe incoming throng of gringos and their testosterone charged swinging dicks.Guys not unlike you had been playing licky licky sucky sucky throughout thegames with these hunting packs that were hoping to make a catch that would takethem out of their wretched lives; their only asset being their tits & ass Sambabodies and fawning demeanour. This forum is brimming with similar stories sotake the time to read some of them and consider yourself warned. Get you headout of your underwear

  • #268440

    ffm
    Member

    [QUOTE=newyork37]Interesting, why would anyone just send money? Do guys really do that? I would be more inclined to say, buy a gift or two.[/QUOTE]

    Yeah! They do. And they have posted about it on this site! LOL
    I would say, of course it is possible she is sincere and a great person and you two could live happily ever after….and of course it is possible that she is a gold digger who sees the “rich doctor gringo” as a way out of her lot in life.
    Life is a crap shoot my friend. Do keep us posted, though. Think with the head that got you through medical school and not the one which is a possible reason you went in the first place! WinkLOL
    Um abraìßo!
  • #268442

    Anonymous

    Nossa! I guess I would have to see what happens. After I almost got taken to the cleaners by my now ex-fiance of a dentist, I am not in the mood for any marriage proposals.

  • #268444

    ffm
    Member

    VIXI! Once bitten, twice shy.

    You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You’ll be all right. Just toma cuidado….
  • #268445

    Anonymous

    $50,000.00 shy…She got a free pass and I let my guard down because she seemed like the “one” on paper. Young, successful, professional and good family background.

  • #268446

    Anonymous

    She basically called off the wedding a month before and a week later was back on again wanting to go ahead! Confused

  • #268447

    Anonymous

    Bitches be crazy.

  • #268454

    ffm
    Member

  • #268456

    Anonymous

    LOL…so true

  • #268457

    Anonymous

    I have to read the experiences on the forum of other people who have attempted this before…I showed the Brazilian woman some pics of my world cup travels which included some women in them. She kept asking if I was in contact with these women…already getting interesting so far.

  • #268459

    ffm
    Member

    Hahahaha, the Brazilian jealousy shows its ugly head so soon!

    Older board members with better memories than me or who are more daft with the search fucntion: What are some of the names of the more epic threads of gringos losing their heads over a Brazilian Betty? I recall one along the lines of “Brazilian Woman Turns my Life Around”
    Use the search function yourself NY and go to the “Romance” section. There are plenty tales of woe there! LOL
  • #268460

    Anonymous

    I am beginning to see the cultural differences already. I showed the same pics to female acquaintances in NY, and did not get the same response. Some of which where professional acquaintances, ex-flings, ex-girlfriends etc, etc.

  • #268461

    romanji
    Member

    [QUOTE=The Abbot]Hahahaha, the Brazilian jealousy shows its ugly head so soon!

    Older board members with better memories than me or who are more daft with the search fucntion: What are some of the names of the more epic threads of gringos losing their heads over a Brazilian Betty? I recall one along the lines of “Brazilian Woman Turns my Life Around”
    Use the search function yourself NY and go to the “Romance” section. There are plenty tales of woe there! LOL

    [/QUOTE]

    This is the one:
  • #268462

    lynchem
    Member

    The real solution to your problem is to meet someone on your social and economic level. There are plenty available and you only need to hangout in the uppity places around rio, sp and so fourth. You can meet someone who is educated, single, and in most cases has their own money. I would go as far to say as you could meet a doctor who not unlike yourself enjoys their profession.

    However, as already stated by others, do leave the lower classes to a fling of things. Do not in anyway commit to marriage or such things as the odds are stacked by historical measure against you.
  • #268465

    Anonymous

    Interesting, I do like Sao Paulo a lot. Reminds me of New York City.

  • #268466

    Anonymous

    [QUOTE=Zummbot][QUOTE=The Abbot]Hahahaha, the Brazilian jealousy shows its ugly head so soon!

    Older board members with better memories than me or who are more daft with the search fucntion: What are some of the names of the more epic threads of gringos losing their heads over a Brazilian Betty? I recall one along the lines of “Brazilian Woman Turns my Life Around”
    Use the search function yourself NY and go to the “Romance” section. There are plenty tales of woe there! LOL

    [/QUOTE]

    This is the one:

    [/QUOTE]

    Just reading the opening post, makes me laugh.
  • #268467

    ffm
    Member

    My man, this board is a WEALTH of similar stories!!!!!

    Pop some popcorn and crack a cold one. LOL
  • #268469

    Andrewfroboy
    Participant

    My wife is solidly in the Brasilian middle class, but we dated 2 years long distance and are now happily married and somewhat happily living in São Paulo for over 3 years.

  • #268476

    sven van ‘t Veer
    Participant

    [QUOTE=andrewfroboy] My wife is solidly in the Brasilian middle class, but we dated 2 years long distance and are now happily married and somewhat happily living in São Paulo for over 3 years. ¬†[/QUOTE]
    The middle class is defined as families where the per capita income is between R$ 291 and R$ 1019…….
    Thank you PT for increasing the middle class.

  • #268477

    Anonymous

    What do you mean by 291 and 1019 reais?

  • #268483

    Anonymous

    [QUOTE=newyork37]What do you mean by 291 and 1019 reais?[/QUOTE]

    I guess that defines the monthly earnings of an individual within the so-calledmiddle class?

  • #268484

    Anonymous

    I read online that the minimum wage in Brazil is like $1000/month. Is this true? Sao Paulo wasn’t expensive, but I don’t see how someone can survive on $1000/month.

  • #268485

    Anonymous

    I wonder how much medical specialists earn in sao paulo.

  • #268486

    Anonymous

    The recent importation of dumbass doctors from Cuba suggests that a basicgeneral practitioner’s earnings would hardly find it gratifying or justify thecost of his education. Remembering at all times that the real middle class,those with the ability to pay, is quite small. However, a highly giftedspecialist could write his own ticket if able to secure a reputation and asituation in a facility for the elite. Indeed most specialists will not accepta patient having medical insurance only because of the insurance company’spitifully low standard rates for treatments and procedures.

    P.S. The minimum wage should be quoted in R$ and not $ [the dollar currentlybeing R$2.22]

    How do they live on that? See how and where they live and you begin to understandthat Brazil is a wretched third world country.

  • #268499

    lynchem
    Member

    [QUOTE=newyork37]I wonder how much medical specialists earn in sao paulo. [/QUOTE]

    Anywhere from 8-40k a month, depending on specialization.
  • #268500

    Anonymous

    Dollars or Reais?

  • #268508

    Andrewfroboy
    Participant

    I meant the real middle class, not the PT middle class

  • #268509

    Anonymous

    Well, doesn’t matter I’m never moving to Brasil.

  • #268521

    Anonymous

    Womenï¬ø¬Ωs Infidelity, Living in Limbo by Michelle Langley reviewed by F. Roger Devlin.

    This is a great forum. Just found this link about why women cheat and get divorced. To summarize, if a woman you are with says she is not happy with the marriage/affair/relationship/hookup it is probably too late. It is time for drastic action!
  • #269077

    Tony
    Participant

    Well Ann Landers here you come…..
    Some post remarks here are right on point. I would visit her family. It is important to know the type of people who surrounds her.
    Avoid at any pretense unprotected sexual intercourse. A child from your relationship is the last thing you want, at least from your short stays. Courts there are lopsided towards women nowadays when it comes for alimony, and your standing and pay scale overseas can lead to wild rulings on stipends to be paid. It is an institutionalize extortion racket.
    You might potentially be, in some form or another, a meal ticket, an way out of misery. Do not kid yourself. Yet, a decent loving relationship can blossom from it. So make your interactions with her to count for something other than sex. Time together is important where you can observe her working habits, type of friends, etc. yes,
    You will be blindsided from language and cultural mores. So get your Brazilian Friends in NY, and observe them, ask questions, observe their interactions. Get down with the guys. You are impaired to see things as Brazilians do. Yet your common sense wisdom always counts. Use your best judgement, and make your values count.
    Ow, Church. Afro American communities in South and inner city tended to form social bounds around their denominational peers. Marriages came from such interactions. Same applies to Afro Brazilians. That is reference point. Is she affiliated ? Do you value this?
    If she refuses help money now, that means she is supporting her child on her own. That is a good thing. She might be assertively independent. However that will change once you are married. That is ok. You will be the big fellow, a swell one at it. And btw , find out his she supports her child right now. What she earns, how she earns.
    Of all things, we all know how American women can be all businesslike and upfront. First Finance, then Romance. And the sisters are as hard nose as it can get these days, to the point of bluntness.
    Brazilian women at times can use their tenderness and carefree ways as a lay-a-way currency to get what they want. It is ingrained in their ways to do things. It is the call of siren. The average American make, yearning for these feelings can fall prey to this.
    A good example is the real estate broker selling a pre construction unit ( na planta ) or a car dealership salesman . It seems like they all want you to come down for a cafezinho ( cup of coffee together ). And how everyone calls you my friend ( amigo, amigao ). The fleecing, the hustling never ends. With the women is the same, just in a different way. The adoration, the spoiling, the tenderness. One can be entranced by these trappings.
    So the skinny is….. Get to know well who she is. She falls short of your standards , cut her loose, the sooner the better. If she fits on the long term picture if your ideal companionship,then get to know her better.
    A good idea might be to bring her for a visit, no green card granted, to see her better.

  • #269078

    Anonymous

    Thanks for the advice. One never knows either way with women whether it’s with Americans or Brazilians. I am going to visit in 2 weeks. We have already had a slight disagreement. Nothing big, but in the typical gringo style, I suggested that she choose 10 friends and family members that would be interested in going out to a nice Rodizio with us when I arrive. She couldn’t understand why I would want to spend that kind of money. She insisted that her father would make churrasco for the entire family and it is not typical for them to go to restaurants. Even though I persisted we agreed to her plan. I guess like you said she is being a siren. Nevertheless, my family heritage is Nigerian and we are brought up to smell a scam when we see one. I do see some similarities between Brazilian and Nigerian family culture. Having read most of the comments on this forum about the jeitinho way, it does not surprise me. It makes me laugh because that’s the way things are done in “Naija” only 10 times worse.newyork372014-08-10 11:22:03

  • #269089

    ffm
    Member

    To be fair to her NY, it is much more customary to have a bbq at home than to to a restaurant in a case like this.

    I’m actually laughing here because I too took the family to Fogo de Chão when I “ask permission” for engagement. I guess us gringos think alike! LOL
  • #269092

    Anonymous

    Yes, we do think alike. Ela disse “vÃ¬ß Ã¬© gringo” and I wasn’t sure if she was insulting me or cracking a joke. newyork372014-08-11 08:48:16

  • #269093

    Anonymous

    Speaking of greencards, during my trip to Sao Paulo, I did meet and have kept in touch with another girl. She is the complete opposite of the girl from Campo Bom. This paulistana, is hell bent on finding a way to get out of Brasil by any means necessary. She has asked for money to attend hip hop concerts in Sao Paulo, wears designer clothes all the while working at a bar and living at home. The one that got me cracking up was when she suggested I should just move to Brasil to practice medicine.

  • #269094

    Anonymous

    [QUOTE=The Abbot]To be fair to her NY, it is much more customary to have a bbq at home than to to a restaurant in a case like this. [/QUOTE]
    So true. This exact same thing happened to me less than 24 hours ago:
    I was with the entire extended family (wife’s side) due to Father’s Day, and my idea was to take the whole crowd to a big Brazilian Churrasqueria — the kind of place you go to when you want a whole bunch of meat washed down with plenty of beers and caipirinhas.
    Everyone from grandmother on down protested that we should just buy meat and “pao de alho” and grill at home instead.
    It took some armtwisting from my side to finally get them to agree to go, and in the end I think they only gave in because I am the gringo in the family and they are overbearing to my gringo ways.

  • #269273

    Anonymous

    I met a total of 5 women while during my world cup foray whom I have tried to keep in touch with

    1. The beauty salon stylist from campo bom, rs (I think she is mulatto, but I could be wrong)
    2. A special education school teacher from porto alegre, rs (German blonde and blue eyes)
    3. A waitress from SP, SP (Blonde and brown eyes)
    4. A hotel receptionist from SP, SP (Japanese-Caucasian mix)
    5. A Gol stewardess from SP, SP (I think she is afro-brazilian like morena, but could be mulatto)
  • #269274

    Anonymous

    I have consistently kept in contact with the hair stylist and will visit soon

    No, chemistry or attraction with the teacher…found out she is 40+ years old, although she may be the best one on paper by forum standards, I could not be faithful to her.
    The waitress is a party animal and she has confessed she hates living in Brasil and wants to get out by any means necessary.
    The hotel receptionist says she is dating someone now
    The Gol stewardess has been inconsistent in keeping in touch
  • #269278

    agri2001
    Participant

    Newyork37.. Take your pick and throw the rest of them to the wolves….us, in this forum Big smile

    BTW..Good job!
  • #269280

    Anonymous

    You guys can have the waitress!

  • #269281

    lynchem
    Member

    [QUOTE=newyork37]I met a total of 5 women while during my world cup foray whom I have tried to keep in touch with

    1. The beauty salon stylist from campo bom, rs (I think she is mulatto, but I could be wrong)
    2. A special education school teacher from porto alegre, rs (German blonde and blue eyes)
    3. A waitress from SP, SP (Blonde and brown eyes)
    4. A hotel receptionist from SP, SP (Japanese-Caucasian mix)
    5. A Gol stewardess from SP, SP (I think she is afro-brazilian like morena, but could be mulatto)

    [/QUOTE]

    Throw them all back…
    Not enough bank to mess with a doctor, you’ll only be hijacked.
    Stick to high society and you cannot go wrong.
  • #269282

    Anonymous

    I’m good friends with the teacher, she has 5 cousins who are Medicos. And she wants me to teach her Inglì™s. She is trying to get me a job in RS, so she says
    The hairstylist is similar to a girl from Minnesota or Wisconsin.
    I will revisit the hotel receptionist in Moema.

  • #269285

    doctorlili
    Member

    Hi NewYork, I see you are the new star on the Gringo Romance channel. That’s cool. And I suppose you also got introduced to my tale and you had a good laugh. :)

    So, yes, I have been involved with one like your hair stylist. I was 41 she 27 at the time. But more complications because I wasn’t single. Anyway, long story short, things change over a period of 3 years. I am not giving you advice, how could I, just giving an example what might happen.
    I think you are pretty realistic regarding American women, this is good. Because I think the negative reputation of the Brazileiras is not fair compared with them. It doesn’t matter how rich or poor educated or not, most women engage in a relationship with men where they financially benefit, heavily. I researched this myself in the US Census data on income among couples. The other side of this is that relationships where she pulls more financial weight collapse in short order. Of cause if you look at any reports on that, that’s always blamed on men being supposedly too ego needy to accept her earning more, or such bullsh*t. The reality is that women file 70% of divorces and do so for 100 years+ and do so more the more financial benefits they can get. The higher status she has extracted from you, the more costly it becomes. Why do you think Robin Williams just hanged himself. He got screwed by 2 American piranhas and who knows what was cooking with #3.
    This makes the prospect of a Brasileira who knows and is happy with a low standard of living quite an interesting prospect. Imagine with what small things she might be happy — as long as you really know her expectations and can keep them low. This, however, is difficult if you take her to the USA. I never ended up having experience with that myself, but I will rather avoid it as I prefer to move to Brazil (easy if you don’t depend on local employment income.)
    However, the social impedance mismatch is a real issue. You need to visit her where she lives. And imagine living a life with her there. Let’s say a 2 bedroom house with frontyard/garage and small backyard, and perhaps roof terrace in a suburb of a metropole. For me, having done that, it still has a romantic appeal. I was just offered this prospect yesterday by someone else I met. But the actuality lived is quite another. As vacation, fine. But day in and day out? I understand you are not trying to live there. You would bring her to NY. But imagine the cultural impedance mismatch from here point of view.
    And there we’re right back with the problems. I think you should be much aware of how she relates to material goods. Is she interested in the prestige of brands and cars, does she believe the things she hears in advertisements, does she gladly accept your version of things or does she discount what you have to say for the things and channels she believes? To me, the naivete is very charming, but it can also get annoying, especially if she doesn’t seem to happily adjust her expectations based on your better judgement. May be you aren’t the froogle type and so you don’t notice it much. But it’s still there.
    Now you take her to the USA and you need to know that that makes you automatically suspect. Instead of praising your kindness and how you help equaling out social differences, you will be suspect of exploiting a poor woman. This will become an issue whenever in the future there may be any disputes between you two. You must know, definitely, that because of the “Violence Against Women Act” (VAWA) and related state laws and policies, you are — in theory — at risk of immediate loss of your home and a lot of money, a protection order against you (which reflects on your record when you try to go for renewing your Board Certification, etc.), etc. because a false accusation of Domestic Violence this is the fastest way for a foreign woman to get a Green Card. I am not saying that yours is trying to do that — the waitress might, but I am saying that crazy stuff like this sets a baseline which shifts the entire playing field. You need to watch your GF and make sure she doesn’t get these ideas implanted by some bad company or TV or Internet advice.
    Then the single mother status. It seems to be the standard package of most Brasileiras you get to meet here. The child adds to the complications. I suppose one child may be forgivable, but two is not and not when its from two different fathers. There may still be some lingering emotional connection between her and the father. We had one guy here, I think Virtalist2000, who got through that roller-coaster ride with one, and ended up screwed.
    I would say that it may still all be worth it, if you can make it work and prepare for pitfalls, pre-nup, / separaìßão de bens is a must. Check her behavior for any signs of borderline personality disorder. Check out how much responsibility she can take for her own actions and their effects. Does she have real empathy with you? Does she really try to make you happy when it may be inconvenient or when she might want something else or is she giving you a taste of a promise of making you happy, but flakes out when you gave her specific instructions and she doesn’t bother to consider them?
    Think about every day living with her as a wife. How would it go? What would happen? What would you guys do together? If you can think it and it seems to be doable and reasonable regarding who she is, then the fact that she is from Brazil or lower class than you may not matter.
    And also know that there are plenty of women like her, and with 32 its about time for her to land someone, because there is competition starting with the early 20s.
  • #269287

    graham
    Participant

    each spirit ponders reality in time. racecar. the idle role poses switched egress.

  • #269288

    Anonymous

    Thanks for the advice. Dealing with women has been an educational experience. I don’t know that will even be the “one.” My failed engagement taught me a lot about relationships.

  • #269290

    Anonymous

    I cannot date a lawyer. I have had some experience dating single mothers and it has been pretty good. If it doesn’t work out I would at least improve my Portuguese. As far as age, I prefer women who are at least 30 years of age. I once had the misfortune of dating an African-American girl who was 15 years my junior. She was a sexual tease, but in a very manipulative way. I saw through her very early cut her loose. Imagine getting ready to have sex being aroused and the girl starts asking to know if your feelings are genuine.WTF?

  • #269294

    doctorlili
    Member

    The amazing thing is, if you are a handsome and nice guy, you have options here, more than you might be taking from just one trip. I confess I had just last night enrolled (as in “enrolado”) myself again, this time with less dreams and drama on my part, but since I am someone who really loves the girl in his arms be happy and feel good, and I show her I care, they think of me as their prince. Especially if they tried a few times. This girl has some aspects I liked more but some that disqualifies her. Now she wants me and I don’t want to commit.
    But the experience and comparison is valuable.
    Some ideas:
    Is she on facebook (ex orkut)? if so, check her page and photos. If she is tirando foto no espelho pra postar no facebooke, and you see the typical poses, biquinho, and looking coquette over the shoulder while showing her bunda, well, you know they have no problem to show themselves as sexually endowed. But how much of it is desperation and how much will they later regret it and withdraw the promise?
    Also, the more such pictures are posted, the more it could be a sign of narcissism. Especially when she has many male followers who obsessively klick the “like” button. And does that fully exclude her for me? Not necessarily! I have a facebook friend who is totally cute AND totally cool and well read (I met her in a political group) and yet, she keeps posting pics of herself.
    My legendary namoradinha from the epic, she was very secluded in social networking, and while being conscious and very very pretty, she was never a show-off. So that was a plus.
    On the other hand, there is this haughtiness both seem to have. It involves towels (rsrsrsrs :) ). I don’t know what it is, but they want to make you pick or bring towels for her or the two of you when it’s time to shower. It’s so funny that it happened twice now to me, and it rubs me. I think she should go and fetch the towel, not send me to do it. And what’s the response? Be a dick about it or just do it because you’re closer? Decide that for yourself, but know that there is this thing where the Brazilian wife wants to get you to do stuff for her. It may be a sh*t test, or beyond a sh*t-test, a way of asserting dominance, or it may just be a way of seeking an interaction by asking stuff of each other, or perhaps its a cultural thing, or may be it’s me picking towel-requestresses :D. But it is good to realize that the Brasileira might do things in ritualistic ways which have a meaning you need to be aware of and manage.
    It’s a lot of fun though.
    I agree with Frank about the age range. I think as a doctor who is handsome and easy with girls, you should at least be aware that you could do “better” than single mother over 30. Everything else being equal, you might want to try 24 without kids. I doubt that 30 year olds are any really any wiser, and the history of failed relationship and single mother shows something negative about the girl. Like the one I just dabbled into, got her first child with 14 and now has a 7 year old. I think she picks wrong, and that’s a bad sign for her.
    You can also learn a lot about her if you ask about the circumstances of the fallout that left her a single mother. And by observing any remainder of a relationship with the father.

  • #269297

    doctorlili
    Member

    Hey Frank, I was, but I though I had reported every minutia of my progress from what I was to what I am on the thread. I am a free man now. And just hanging out in Rio a few days before moving on to my place to look after.

  • #269299

    doctorlili
    Member

    Frank you know it. The epic one, on page 589 or somewhere Wink
    The short version is that I had pretty soon in 2010 decided that I needed to divorce. Then went through 2 years of waiting and gyrations and therapy, etc. and then in 2012 did it. And now it is done. On paper. I am still involved in my children’s lives and live in the guest room in the house that’s no longer mine. This seems awkward and I have no real private life, but its best for the kids, and just 4 more years. In 2012 when I went to Brazil to claim my namorada with the fact that all was now settled and we might begin getting serious, I had also read a bunch of books on women their behavior and how men can get caught up and hurt in it, I realized that she was not being very nice to me. And so I went out, did a trip I wanted to do together alone. Because it’s better to be alone than with a difficult woman. And still I didn’t want to lose her and tried for another 9 months on and off, until such time that my insistence on not just doing what she wanted and acquiesce when she didn’t even try to make an effort to meet my needs, she threw the towel. I was in peace with that, though sad, knowing I did what I could at the time. But once I overcame that I noticed how I am actually pretty well off just by myself. Still playing around and looking to start over, but my priority is the kids for some more years and that means my standards for going all into something new are very high.

  • #269301

    Anonymous

    I will keep you guys updated.

  • #269340

    doctorlili
    Member

    Frank, congrats. Hope all goes well for you. BTW, I didn’t get screwed. With your separaìßão de bens, have you discussed that with your namorada before? If not, you can’t just single-handedly register it that way. Separaìßão de bens requires a prenuptial agreement.

    New York, one more thing about your initial question “do brasilians have long distance relationships?” — I think the answer is does anyone have? The Brazilian women I came to know would get frustrated in long lasting long distance situations. They want to be close. They want to wake up in the morning by your side. If you are missing in action for too long, things fizzle out. In the beginning the hope and the sizzle might keep her cheerful. Then later, if you support her life, she may feel a certain obligation, but at some point frustration and possibly resentment, or simply fooling around will set in.
    I think a relationship is something to either be all in or all out. So, decide if it’s a good thing or not. Half and half wears a good thing down. If it is good, but you don’t claim it fully, you’ll lose it.
  • #269664

    Anonymous

    Visited the girl and her family in Rio Grande do Sul. She comes from a very small town. Met her family, neighbors, cousins and friends. I felt like I was under interrogation, in fast speaking Portugues. I felt like they have never met an American before or where trying to reaffirm some of their beliefs about America. All kinds of questions, where asked of me. Everything from batman and playboy to which American beer had more alcohol content. All in all it was an okay visit and I didn’t feel uncomfortable.
    We went out to eat, as well as have food made by her family. I ate so much meat during my visit, I did not eat any meat for a week when I got back stateside. I took her shopping at a local mall to buy a few items, total cost for shoes and a dress $100. I asked her to take her pick of the mall, she could have anything she wanted. But she declined. Pretty cheap compared to what I am used to.
    The best part was going to a “balada” which was so much fun! I have found a new luv for funk music.

  • #269665

    Anonymous

    Visit every 3 months??? That’s too long of a time. I plan to visit every 4-6 weeks. I have my own private medical practice and can take of whenever I want. I have thought about it and yes, it’s going to be tough to fly out to Brazil that often. But, I have decided to take business class by TAM to make the flights easier.

  • #269668

    graham
    Participant

    Well…all righty then. Fill up your senses and enjoy! Thanks for the update.

  • #269673

    Anonymous

    I will be going back soon and will keep you guys updated. The hotel I stayed in sucked! She said I was hard to please. It’s not my fault it needs to be torn down and rebuilt to 21st century standards.

  • #269675

    ffm
    Member

    Hahahahaha!

    I’m glad you stuck around here and are filling us in. Just remember, we are seasoned vets here so we can lend a helping hand or advice.
    Abraìßos
  • #269677

    Anonymous

    Thanks guys, like my old man says, keep ya eyes and ears open.

  • #269679

    Well, what can I say? Every long-distance relationship is complicated.

  • #269688

    Anonymous

    Regarding money, I will stop offering to pay for things other than entertainment. I don’t want to turn into the Banco do Gringo for the neighborhood.

  • #269699

    [QUOTE=newyork37]Regarding money, I will stop offering to pay for things other than entertainment. I don’t want to turn into the Banco do Gringo for the neighborhood. [/QUOTE]
    Well, considering we’re deep into recession, you can try to open a financing house, or courses on how people should invest their money. How about teaching them to fish instead of just feeding them?
    And, of course, you could still profit from it. Smile

  • #269700

    myrna
    Member

    [QUOTE=Megabyte]And, of course, you could still profit from it. Smile
    [/QUOTE]
    If you think for a second that anyone will pay him back then you haven’t lived in Brazil.

  • #269701

    Anonymous

    I would not even know where to start in Brazil. In the states, it is as easy as pie, because people are aware. But, do people have the extra capital to allocate money to for investing in Brazil??? The level of compensation is pitiful indeed.

  • #269702

    Anonymous

    Teaching people how to invest in the bovespa, will take some education. I have watched brazilian tv, and there are no financial channels that I can see. No cnbc or bloomberg equivalents.

  • #269703

    Anonymous

    What type of business would fly in brasil? I don’t know much about the economic needs of the populace.

  • #269704

    [QUOTE=Levo][QUOTE=Megabyte]And, of course, you could still profit from it. Smile
    [/QUOTE]
    If you think for a second that anyone will pay him back then you haven’t lived in Brazil.
    [/QUOTE]
    I am Brazilian. Smile

  • #269705

    [QUOTE=newyork37]Teaching people how to invest in the bovespa, will take some education. I have watched brazilian tv, and there are no financial channels that I can see. No cnbc or bloomberg equivalents. [/QUOTE]
    York, I’d suggest investing 101. That would be teaching people how to prioritize their investments, how to get the best deals, ensure that they got the best value for their money, and how to invest on things that are actually safe and give more money.
    I’m not sure of how well your course would go, but you could always search for info on what to focus and how in places like SEBRAE or IBGE, which have official data on many market segments; do note, however, that their info is usually not up-to-date.
    Megabyte2014-08-31 20:07:42

  • #269708

    Anonymous

    Thanks, for the information. I met another guy today at the Brazilian day block party in NYC. We exchanged the issues of dating a Brasileira long distance. His girlfriend has no plans on leaving Brasil, since she plans on being a Federal judge. And he has an established business in NYC. He may be able to move there since it’s more of a consulting gig. I think his issue is the language barrier. I don’t think he is willing to put in the effort to learn Portuguese. He has apparently traveled to Brasil several times but could not order a drink in Portuguese at the parade. Furthermore, his girlfriend speaks a little more English, so that helps.
    We plan to hangout soon, at some Brazilian spots in the city so we can practice speaking Portuguese.

  • #269710

    [QUOTE=newyork37]Thanks, for the information. I met another guy today at the Brazilian day block party in NYC. We exchanged the issues of dating a Brasileira long distance. His girlfriend has no plans on leaving Brasil, since she plans on being a Federal judge. And he has an established business in NYC. He may be able to move there since it’s more of a consulting gig. I think his issue is the language barrier. I don’t think he is willing to put in the effort to learn Portuguese. He has apparently traveled to Brasil several times but could not order a drink in Portuguese at the parade. Furthermore, his girlfriend speaks a little more English, so that helps.
    We plan to hangout soon, at some Brazilian spots in the city so we can practice speaking Portuguese. [/QUOTE]
    I’d love to join, but unfortunately I don’t live in the US. Smile
    Honestly, York, I don’t like being here in Brazil right now â‚Ǩ I feel a dictatorship looming over us.

  • #269711

    Anonymous

    I am far removed from the election process in Brasil. But who is Marina Silva anyway?

    The media paints her as poor woman who became a politician. What does the average Brazilian think of her? I can see how Brazilians are frustrated by the failures of Dilma. Instead of only appealing to Wall Street, she should have made some allowances to improve health and educational opportunities for the average Brazilian. Now you have a politician with whom the poor, for which the country has more than enough, can identify with.
  • #269712

    [QUOTE=newyork37]I am far removed from the election process in Brasil. But who is Marina Silva anyway? The media paints her as poor woman who became a politician. What does the average Brazilian think of her?
    [/quote]
    She was indeed poor when she started her career. She was born in Acre, Northern Brazil. The average Brazilian sees her as an alternative to Dilma, and she’s gaining popularity fast (although Dilma still wins by a small margin).
    [QUOTE=newyork37]

    I can see how Brazilians are frustrated by the failures of Dilma. Instead of only appealing to Wall Street, she should have made some allowances to improve health and educational opportunities for the average Brazilian. Now you have a politician with whom the poor, for which the country has more than enough, can identify with.

    [/QUOTE]
    I’m particularly frustrated at Dilma because, during her government â‚Ǩ more specifically, after her reelection â‚Ǩ she’s been silently, but heavily censoring the press. She completely suppressed the protests that happened during the World Cup. People for the Military Dictatorship also celebrated the 50th anniversary of the coup-d’etat, but our president didn’t officially say anything against this celebration. She did nothing against it, even though she was tortured during said dictatorship.
    The average Brazilian is not too aware of Dilma’s popularity, though. They’re just fed up with the “mild economic deceleration” (actually a recession), and they don’t want to go to the “Right Wing” either. Some people also want to vote on her because they think there’s no “better alternative”.

  • #269795

    doctorlili
    Member

    My friend believes Marina will win, and I heard her name from the brief girlfriend I had here few days ago. But my friend hated Dilma and PT and believes this Marina Silva will be better and he will vote for her too. I was disappointed in my friend, but him being a business guy, he still didn’t think it would be Venezuela here any time soon. My right-winger friends believe otherwise. But I guess Brazil does have a vibrant parliament. It won’t be so easy.
    Why should she do anything against the celebration of the coup d’etat? Those who celebrated it were from the right who believe this rescued Brazil from certain Communist dictatorship. And they might be right. I recently took a new look at the Pinochet era in Chile and came to a similar conclusion. So, if it was a bourgoise military coup that would clear the country of this eery axis of Castro – Chavez – Lula, that would be good in my view.
    Anyway, Marina it might be, from PT to Socialist party, sounds awful. But since Marina is mostly an eco-freak and at least she is a devout Christian (albeit Assemblia de Deus) at least there is some hope she doesn’t align with that Castro – Chavez – Lula axis.
    And back to learning Portuguese, I tell you Porto is the language of love. If you love a Brasileira and you don’t do it in Porto you really miss out on something.

  • #269796

    Anonymous

    How do the upper middle class and wealthy Brasileiros view Marina Silva? What are her economic policies for the country? What’s her view on taxes and distribution of wealth? Brazil is one of the most unequal societies on earth, but is she going to create a welfare society?

  • #269800

    Anonymous

    i don’t know, around here it sounds like Marina is a loose cannon who is going to fall right into the Lula axis. I mean, he nominated her for the ministry position she had, it’s not like she hasn’t allied with him before.

    aecio seems like the least evil of three evils- but still a crook. the other options are throwaways, much as i’d like to have the stoner dude be president (and that Felixis or whatever his name is looks like he stepped out of an austin powers movie or something, although he does seem to actually be a great candidate he should get about 0.5% of the electorate)
  • #269803

    Anonymous

    I feel it will be business as usual, no matter who wins.

  • #269808

    graham
    Participant

    I don’t know…as the election turns and the leadership progresses to new order, it somehow seems like it’s back to the future and deja vu all over again. Brasil will continue to struggle domestically as it treads water in the currents of world events.

  • #269810

    ffm
    Member

    I just wish a first world country would invade and take over. It is the only hope for Brazil. Take Brazil out of the hands of the Brazilians who destroy it!

  • #269818

    Marc Maserati
    Participant

    [QUOTE=The Abbot]I just wish a first world country would invade and take over. It is the only hope for Brazil. Take Brazil out of the hands of the Brazilians who destroy it! [/QUOTE]

    Haha! Yes! I nominate the US to invade and take over Brazil! Then they could send all the tea party activists, birthers and right to carry people… make Brazil more fun!
    Brazilians, although get a lot wrong such as legendary redtape, tarrif and tax policy just to name a few, their efforts regarding the environment and recycling, using alternative fuels and embracing technology and animal biotechnology are impressive. The US can learn from Brazil’s example in these cases.
    -Marc
  • #269822

    Finrudd
    Participant

    [QUOTE=The Abbot]I just wish a first world country would invade and take over. It is the only hope for Brazil. Take Brazil out of the hands of the Brazilians who destroy it! [/QUOTE]

    I can’t really bring myself to forgive the Dutch for giving up on Brazil – they had a good footing in Pernambuco for a while, and while they may have had the foresight to get the Hell Out of Dodge, it would have been a far different place today had they been the main colonising force perhaps.
  • #269823

    Anonymous

    Well, os Brasileiros falam portugues agora…too late. They need to change their way of management. The country has so much potential.

  • #269827

    ffm
    Member

    Didn’t the Dutch hold Bahia for something like 10 years?

  • #269874

    [QUOTE=newyork37]How do the upper middle class and wealthy Brasileiros view Marina Silva? What are her economic policies for the country? What’s her view on taxes and distribution of wealth? Brazil is one of the most unequal societies on earth, but is she going to create a welfare society?[/QUOTE]
    Well, they certainly see her as a lesser evil than Aì©cio Neves. The reason is that Aì©cio has been known for censoring Minas Gerais’ press, and choosing between and Dilma would be to pick a pseudo-fascist left dictatorship, or a fascist-right dictatorship.
    We only hope Marina will not screw up freedom of speech more than it already is.

  • #269875

    [QUOTE=Squiddie]
    Why should she do anything against the celebration of the coup d’etat? Those who celebrated it were from the right who believe this rescued Brazil from certain Communist dictatorship. And they might be right. I recently took a new look at the Pinochet era in Chile and came to a similar conclusion.
    So, if it was a bourgoise military coup that would clear the country of this eery axis of Castro – Chavez – Lula, that would be good in my view.
    [/quote]
    Dilma didn’t need to forbid the coup d’etat celebration, but she should be openly against it (formal speech against it).
    The military coup made Brazil fall into great debt, and it suppressed any avant-garde artistic or cultural movement, putting us lightyears behind other countries. Notice, for instance, that Bossa Nova died out around that period. The most creative musicians we have dated from the 1980s’.
    It’s also important to note that, during the 1990s’, there was a huge impoverishment in the musical scenario. Only after the 2000s’ things improved, and Brazil was starting to gain momentum in stand-up comedy. Another dictatorship would be another hard blow to recovering cultural scenario.
    And don’t believe for a second that Brazil was in a real threat of falling into a communist dictatorship. The left only got any power because of the mass hysteria created by the dictatorship, to begin with. Furthermore, the old president, back then, had no intention of implementing a communist state. It was all a power trip from wanting the country not to fall into further “depravity.”
    If anything, this had the opposite effect: soft-core porn movies during the dictatorship were the norm.
    There are also some things the old dictatorship was directly responsible for:

    • Worsening Brazil’s external debt.
    • The Increasing of corruption due to opaque government.
    • Creation of inflated salaries to the congressmen, so they would happily “shut up”.
    • Accidental creation of organized crime by mixing common prisoners with political prisoners.

    There’s a lot more that could be said, of course, so I won’t get into further detail. You can surely read a few books here and there â‚Ǩ if another dictatorship is not to come.

    [QUOTE=Squiddie]
    Anyway, Marina it might be, from PT to Socialist party, sounds awful. But since Marina is mostly an eco-freak and at least she is a devout Christian (albeit Assemblia de Deus) at least there is some hope she doesn’t align with that Castro – Chavez – Lula axis.
    [/quote]
    Marina is from a party called PSB. It’s also worth noting she’s not really an ecofreak â‚Ǩ this country has no sound environmental program. Right now, sewage is directly thrown into main rivers that could be used as water grows scarce. A big example of that is the drought in São Paulo. If Brazil had a sound, long-term environmental program, river Tietì™’s water would at least be drinkable by now. It wouldn’t make the drought go away, but nobody would be in danger to run out of a very valuable resource.
    What worries me the most is exactly what you love about her: as she is a “devout Christian”, this may cloud separation between church and state. Let’s hope this won’t happen, because this could feed anger among other religions â‚Ǩ among other disastrous consequences.
    Megabyte2014-09-05 17:04:11

  • #269884

    Kathy2012
    Participant

    [QUOTE=mmaser]Haha! ¬†Yes! I nominate the US to invade and take over Brazil! ¬†Then they could send all the tea party activists, birthers and right to carry people… make Brazil more fun[/QUOTE]

  • #269897

    doctorlili
    Member

    Megabyte, you are left leaning. So you see things different. I used to, even when I joined this forum, until last year. Now I see things much different. Avant-guard culture in Europe and the USA has brought a lot of subversion which is biting us now, especially in Europe, big time. There is no question that a dictatorship is no ideal government by any means. But since leftism always ends in dictatorships, if a military junta rescues a country from it, it is something to appreciate. And its worth checking the comparative death count. The entire dark Pinochet coup era has, what, 4000 dead? Compare that with Ernesto Guevara’s trail of blood, he probably killed as many single handedly. And when you look at Venezuela, your organized crime issue becomes a little ridiculous, don’t you think? Brazil has absolutely crazy environmental laws as far as tree preservation goes. For water, putting in treatment facilities is certainly a good idea. But the communities could do it, and probably would more easily do it if the lifeblood wasn’t taxed out of them. The separation of church and state, finally, honestly I prefer a form of Christian religion to be preserved here rather than the religion of Cultural Marxism (it is a religion, and an evil and subversive one.)
    Anyway, back to romance, I had my own little thing with a cabalereira, and what I learned about the profession is that it is apparently not bad at all to make some money. So, to Mr. New York, go for your cabalereira. Only you can forget the long distance part. Loving a fiery Brasileira from a distance is an oxymoron, and frankly, a waste. You can only sustain that for a short time as you bridge it. Since you are a practicing MD, you would need to bring her to your place. But you need to take good care of her or else she will grow unhappy and in the worst case could ruin your life. Keep her away from New York’s avant guarde putting bad ideas into her head.
    Tomorrow I am trying a thing with a nurse. We shall see. Definitely Brazil is being nice to me this time, and I am happy :).

  • #269903

    Anonymous

    Vocì™ estì° engracado demais!

  • #269908

    graham
    Participant

    funny is not the word…

  • #269920

    doctorlili
    Member

    engraìßado ta bom, mas como assim?

  • #270208

    doctorlili
    Member

    Oh screw it, Nurse didn’t work out. But the cabalereira did make a strong come-back. I struck gold … yeah right, you will say. But this time it is way better.

  • #270786

    doctorlili
    Member

    SmileWackoTongueWinkBig smile

  • #271273

    Anonymous

    Se acabou
    The socioeconomic class differences, are just too much and I’m going to call it quits. I gave it a shot but, I think being in a relationship with someone of the same class, especially in Brasil, is very important. Besides, the whole idea of her visiting NYC on a fiance visa instead of as a tourist, freaks me out.

  • #271275

    Anonymous

    personally the idea of the fiance visa is a bit much. relationships are crazy anyway, but you have 90 days (right? something like that) to have everything fall into place. No pressure!! after 90 days you’re probably just about ready for a good fight.

  • #271276

    Anonymous

    My requirements
    1. Professional and/or wealthy
    2. Can afford to fly to US on a tourist visa
    3. Age 28 to 32

  • #271291

    ffm
    Member

    I’m 34 so I guess I’m out. LOL

  • #271292

    newyork, do you want the woman to buy you dinner and compensate you for your time too? LOL
    At least all women I know, even women that have money, would like the guy to pay for them. I don’t know if it’s been said here, but I think that Brazilian women tend to be a bit less indepedent than American women, but even Americanas like to be treated well.
    If you have money, how can it hurt if you buy her a plane ticket? Chances are is she is going to run off and tell every woman she knows that some guy in the US bought her a plane ticket to go visit New York.

  • #271294

    Anonymous

    You misunderstand me. A girl with means would be more likely to qualify for a tourist visa and possibly pay her way. I think you actually generalize too much about the damsel in distress situation of Brasileiras.

  • #27695

    Anonymous

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