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  • #224026

    Anonymous

    HI everyone
    I really need your help. I have got myself into a terrible situation and I don’t know what to do. I am desperate. I have been troubled by this since July and it is ruining my life. If anyone could give me some advice or tips, I’d be most grateful.
    Here’s my situation. I’m male, 25 and from the UK.
    I came to Brazil first in Feb 2012, and stayed until June (4 months). I met a Brazilian girl and we started going out. After I got back to the UK, she came back with me and stayed with me there for 3 weeks. Unfortunately then we decided to split up whilst she was in the UK due to cultural differences.
    She went back to Brazil. The next thing that happens, in July she calls me to say that she is pregnant. Although abortion is illegal in Brazil, I found out about some pills that can be ordered through a charity; she got the pills but did not take them in the end.
    In September, she asked me to go back to Brazil to talk more about the baby and with her about arrangements. I agreed (as I am currently between jobs), so right now I am in Brazil (I have been here for the last 2 weeks). It has become clear that all she is interested in is my money both now and in the future, and how I am going to pay.
    She is asking me to pay money to her immediately for medical bills and wants me to pay £6,000 (R18,000) to her to help with the baby next year. She claims that I should pay all the costs of the baby as she is looking after it.
    I have seen some posts here saying that in Brazil there is a law that says alimony can be 10-30% of the parents salary, but I’m really confused. I speak a bit of portuguese so can read online, but would appreciate some tips/ advice, if anyone has been in a similar situation.
    I have just 1 more week here before I go back to the UK (hopefully I won’t be back here for a longtime!). I have also arranged to talk to a Brazilian lawyer before I leave.
    Is there anything I should do here before I go, to avoid problems later on? I know she is going to be doing everything she can to get money out of me in the future. I’m pretty sure that’s been her aim from the start. It’s such a horrible situation and I have been such a fool. I knew these things happened to other people but just did not expect it to happen to me.
    Thank you for your advice or help.
    Williamwillm222012-10-17 14:36:36

  • #224040

    sven van ‘t Veer
    Participant

    1st of all, did you register the child and are you certain that the child is actually yours? If you didn’t register the child and you are not certain it is your (it’s very convenient she got pregnant just when you where there don’t you think).
    If you didnt register the child, she must prove it’s yours and require a judge to do a DNA test. Since you live in the UK, just citing you for a court date may take 6 to 8 months. Then a judge must require the actual test, which, depending on the state, may take 2 years or more for the result to come back.
    Don’t pay anything to her, talk to a good lawyer (which state are you in) and go home.
    Acording to Brazilian law, both parents are equally responsible for the maintenance of the child, and it child support should be according to the living standard of the child. 30% usually applies to a minimum wage (30% of a minimum wage). In cases of a foreign father, it is hard to prove what you actually make, so it may be difficult for her to sustain R$ 1500 per month in child support.
    If you’re in Rio, I know a good lawyer that speaks decent English. Given another nine months, I’d help you myself.
    If the child wasn’t born yet, she may require you to pay “pregnancy alimony”, since they (the courts) will have to inform you of that, and you live in England, it may take 6 months before they can make you pay (the time it takes for a rogatory letter to go to and from the UK).

  • #224045

    Anonymous

    Sven,
    Thank you very much for your reply. It was very very helpful.
    She has been asking me to register as the father and expects me to do that next year when the baby is born. Now I may know why.
    Regarding the “pregnancy alimony”, she is asking me to pay now to help her. A part of me feels bad, because I have seen how she lives here and I know that the money would help.
    I wondered, if there are DNA tests which prove that I am the father, can she backclaim on any payments that I did not make in the past? And if I do make payments now, can that be deducted from any future claim?
    I am in Florianopolis, SC. I have made an appointment with a local law firm, it is costing R200 for 1 hour of advice. But I’m not expecting much from that.
    PS. I suspect I may be needing services from you or one of your recommendations at some later date.willm222012-10-17 16:38:56

  • #224047

    sven van ‘t Veer
    Participant

    You’ve become the victim of what is called “golpe de barriga”. Don’t pay her, just let justice run its course.
    It’s the “I’ve seen the way she lives” thing that is the driving force behind her getting pregnant. The baby is the “golden egg, so to speak”.
    She can only claim payments AFTER you have been legally informed that those must be made. This means that the Brazilian court must send a letter to a court in the UK to serve you and that the UK court then must inform the Brazilian court that you have been server. Only when the Brazilian court is so informed, you must pay. Due to the bureaucracy in Brazil that may take a while.
    If you consider the child is yours, and are willing to pay, the best thing you can do is offer alimony in court. In general, this is something uncommon in Brazil and the judge will take that into account. If your offer is considered decent it will be most likely accepted.
    Just rememer that, for people that you “have seen how she lives here” health care is free. It may not be the best, but is used by those that cannot pay for private health care.

  • #224054

    Anonymous

    Sven,
    Thanks for your reply. Its very helpful and I feel a bit relieved now, knowing that her claims of R18k are unfounded. I still feel bad about her situation but think it would be unwise to give her anything without knowing if it’s my baby. It is difficult though because I want to help.
    I think I’m going to wait and see what happens with the child and I’ll ask for a DNA test after its born next year. If it is mine then as you suggest the court procedure is probably the best. I am not going to just send money to her; I know that way it will just disappear into a bottomless black hole.
    Right, I guess I can cancel that law firm appointment then.
    William

  • #224061

    celso
    Member

    [QUOTE=willm22] Sven,
    Thanks for your reply. Its very helpful and I feel a bit relieved now, knowing that her claims of R18k are unfounded. I still feel bad about her situation but think it would be unwise to give her anything without knowing if it’s my baby. It is difficult though because I want to help.
    I think I’m going to wait and see what happens with the child and I’ll ask for a DNA test after its born next year. If it is mine then as you suggest the court procedure is probably the best. I am not going to just send money to her; I know that way it will just disappear into a bottomless black hole.
    Right, I guess I can cancel that law firm appointment then.
    William[/QUOTE]
    I have a German buddy who pays about 300 reais a month for his child. I pay 650 and so far have not been hauled before a judge. You can do a DNA test via internet/FedEx costs under a hundred dollars. The child might not be yours. Only sign birth certificate after verified DNA test…
    If you send money, insist that it goes to her bank account. You have receipts for proof, send 500 reias a month now and you can up it or terminate based on DNA test.GreatBallsoFire2012-10-17 19:04:08

  • #224071

    sven van ‘t Veer
    Participant

    A private DNA test may not hold up in court.
    Paying an amount by mutual agreement is indeed an option, if the mother part is not mostly interested in the money. Anything between the two values GBF mentioned IMHO is decent for a single kid given that the mother is not an executive in a multinational. 1500 a month is absurd. For all we know you make minimum wage I the UK.
    I’d maintain the law firm appointment as my advice is not to be construed as legal advice. Besides, it’s good to have someone you’ve talked to about the situation as you might need a lawyer somewhere along the way. Just in case.

  • #224497

    Anonymous

    Hi everyone
    Thanks for the advice. I just thought I’d tell you what happened with the lawyer in the spirit of contributing to the community.
    They recommended me to pay a max of R$1,000 per month to her, and R$750 before the baby is born. They said it’s possible to make a contract to agree on an amount together but not until I am certain it’s my baby. I want to give her money before the baby is born, just do it informally with no receipt so she cant claim that I am the father if it’s not my child. willm222012-10-22 14:13:29

  • #224505

    pnorrgren
    Member

    If I could add to that… don’t pay the same amount every time you do it and avoid doing so in the presence of others. Will you pay monthly?
    lawyer_saopaulo2012-10-22 15:47:57

  • #224508

    sven van ‘t Veer
    Participant

    Personally, I think 750 as “alimony” during pregnancy and 1000 after the child is born quite a lot, considering the circumstances you described.
    R$ 1000 is also a lot for a new born child. You are obliged to pay for the child and not for the mother.

  • #224515

    pnorrgren
    Member

    [QUOTE=sven]Personally, I think 750 as “alimony” during pregnancy and 1000 after the child is born quite a lot, considering the circumstances you described.
    R$ 1000 is also a lot for a new born child. You are obliged to pay for the child and not for the mother.[/QUOTE]
    Also, she’ll probably be doing exams at SUS, which are free, and will get assistance from INSS.

  • #23702

    Anonymous
  • #315111

    Poppy Coningham
    Participant

    thanks

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