Brazilian women in U.S.
Printed From: Gringoes.com
Category: Brazil
Forum Name: Romance
Forum Discription: Relationships in Brazil
URL: http://www.gringoes.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13545
Printed Date: 19 June 2013 at 04:14
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 8.05a - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Brazilian women in U.S.
Posted By: tom72
Subject: Brazilian women in U.S.
Date Posted: 11 November 2011 at 17:56
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Ok, let me first start off by saying I have been in love with Brazil the country and culture for a while. It probably started after seeing "City of God" years ago... just the vibrancy of colors, the natural beauty of the place, and the seemingly endless intensity and energy of the people(that quite honestly, made the people in the U.S. look like sluggish robots) made me fall in love... I do realize and acknowledge the shortcomings... Brazilian bureaucracy, huge rifts between rich and poor, and this incredible unrealistic idealism of Brazilian people(which somehow is still endearing)....anyways... I don't expect the following to get me any sympathy, because it's all my own doing... but recently over the past few months I've been seeing this Brazilian girl who lives in Massachusetts(has been here for 10 years, is here illegaly because of an expired fiance visa...which apparently is the worst type of visa to be expired on). I met her at a strip club( I know, I know)... and we've been dating for a while. I honestly have no gripes with what she is doing(it would make me a hypocrite for one, and second she is a very loyal person(doesn't see/hangout with strange men(outside of work))...She NEVER asks me for money, or expects me to pay for things/dinner etc... The problem, however, is the jealousy and extreme changes in emotion day to day(sometimes hour to hour)... I've never experienced such insane jealousy in my life or mood swings with a girl. For one, she insists(repeats constantly like some reel) that she needs a guy that "trusts" her(in relation to her job, and i not having sex for money in the strip club)...which I do, but she is always accusing me of being with other girls or looking at others girls(which i make vigilant effort not to do when we're together)...she knows and has acknowledged how crazy she gets, but continues to act the same way again and again(WTF?). When she is drinking is the worst. She becomes VERY hostile and starts hurling insults at me... she'll make a scene at a club, she doesn't care... this always happens with no justification(sounds ridiculous i know) but it's like out of know where her moods takes a turn for the worst, and she gets very aggressive towards me(what i think happens is she'll get it into her mind that i'm looking at another girl or something and then use that to justify her outburst).... she'll hit the wall or door or something... she looks at me with almost rage in her eyes, but at the same time with self-pity, if you get what i mean... its a look of mean desperation.... When this first started happening I honestly had i know idea what was happening... I tried to calm her down, ask what was the matter, just "take it," whatever nasty things she was sayings... now I just leave the situation, drop her home and leave... she'll say to never come back again, she hates me etc etc... then the next day she'll act like nothing happened. ...foolishly I keep coming back, hoping I guess, that my perseverance will change her. She'll constantly say that "Brazilian girls are jealous" and that I can take it or leave it... like that's just "how it is", that i just have to deal with this behavior...and sort of calm attempt at discussing her behavior always results in another fight. So i guess I'm just venting. I know it's not a healthy relationship to be in. She is very beautiful and maybe that, combined with her intensity keeps me coming... I've never had someone "love" me so much(or say they do)... I don't know if this is "love" but her intensity and affection towards me is real...maybe too much...she talks about having children and me being her future husband all the time... Pros: She's not looking at me as a rich American(which i'm not) or someone to supplement her income. She loves me. Negs: She can be very hostile, aggressive to me. She's way to jealous. Additional info... i don't go to strip clubs, ever anymore... i don't even go to see her at her job(which she asks me to do sometimes) because she'll think i want another girl... I barely if ever hang out with my friends anymore...because she always thinks i'm cheating or something, or dont want to be with her....when we get into fights... i don't bring up her work, or try to degrade her that way... like "how can you be jealous when you have other guys touching you all the time".... i just try to explain how unhealthy her obsession is... i don't know what to do anymore... i know i need to stop seeing her but i've been sucked in somehow... On some level, I might just be making excuses to myself because I want to be with a beautiful brazilian girl for its own sake, letting things slide that i would never let slide with an American girl... i know it's stupid. Oh yeah, one last thing... why are Brazilians SO obsessed with blondes... it's worse than being with a Nazi,lol |
Replies:
Posted By: Gringodude
Date Posted: 11 November 2011 at 19:52
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I see your point about mood-swings, perhaps, she is bi-polar and has ocd. Or simply it being a common trait among brazilian women. Simply said, they're very insecure, almost extremely. Not all, but certainly sounds like your companion. I suggest not pressing weight on it, infact during the next episode, try to ignore her completely. If you're surrendering attention of your own valuable time you're feeding her motive. Just become passive and let her get your attention, but only if she behaves, properly. This is simple edict for "pimpin", she needs you to lead her mang, not ask her for directions. Best of luck! ------------- Keeping the BrazilianLifestyle "Have a great day everyone" - Ray "You know who you are, now go and reflect!" - Esprit |
Posted By: cobrakhan5
Date Posted: 11 November 2011 at 20:03
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1) Taking clothes off for money
2) Taking clothes off for money 3) Taking clothes off for money You really think this is healthy on any level? She most likely has some serious backed up emotional issues she never dealt with.... maybe she was abused..... could speculate forever... ask her about her family and see if she gets mad. |
Posted By: Steven
Date Posted: 11 November 2011 at 20:45
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I decided not to honor this post by responding to it and deleted my original. |
Posted By: Gringodude
Date Posted: 11 November 2011 at 21:14
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Wow..... You're really convinced Brazilian women are similar to American? Quite a bold statement I must say. Aside from the particular fact of "pole dancing" be it due to her physical appearance, and the American tendency to warship. I'd assume she's "milking" the opportunity, not all med school girls reflect the attractiveness of a "stripper". Whatever the case is, chasing that dollar requires a different route for different folks. And so haste to judge one's profession, the sex industry is completely justified by the money thrown at it on a yearly basis. Good try on handing that one out.... Also, Brazilian women can be notoriously jealous, and I say that with plenty of experience. Though I'm not complaning, just trying to correct your findings, maybe you're not seen it. Not sure, either... Best of luck! ------------- Keeping the BrazilianLifestyle "Have a great day everyone" - Ray "You know who you are, now go and reflect!" - Esprit |
Posted By: cobrakhan5
Date Posted: 11 November 2011 at 22:27
There is a difference in paying for sex/sex entertainment and dating a person involved. I personally won;t do either cause sex is free and would be too much baggage with a someone involved in sex industry.... women already have enough baggage don;t need her to carry a suitcase home every night. I would kill myself  Plenty of hot americans around or go to Brazil.... you can go with me next year hah
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Posted By: tom72
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 13:54
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Thanks for the comments, guys. One thing she does is complain about how much she hates her job, feels shameful, "dirty" etc(i know, its cliche)(which makes me feel very awkward... like she wants my pity and sympathy but at the same time she's making waaay more money than me)... and that she "has" to do it because she needs to send money to Brazil...which i find a little odd since she used to clean houses before she started dancing so money wasn't an issue then... although i understand her family doesn't have a lot of money in Brazil(they're not living in a favela though) and the money she makes definitely helps them...and now she has taken on expenses(car/nice apartment) that requires her to make more money, so in a way she has set to conditions to justify her continuation of stripping...but yet again, it is a way for her to save a lot of money for her future...it's just almost unbearable how she wants me to feel sorry for her and understanding of her "struggle" at the strip club, while being hyper-jealous and insecure at the same time... it just seems like a very selfish way of acting, i dunno. From what I understand, however, is that the sex industry is more culturally accepted in Brazil than it is in the U.S. So maybe it's not as difficult for her(vs an American girl) to separate her "job" from her regular life(although it doesn't seem that way). She says she wants to stop stripping eventually and open a business, in what, I have no idea...and neither does she, nor does she understand how difficult starting a small business is... I guess the only thing I have to decide is if it's worth sticking it out(untill she stops stripping... which could be YEARS down the line)... unless her behavior changes, i dunno... Does anyone have any experience with a Brazilian girl in the sex industry who quits the job to have a real life with a gringo?... cliche again, i know, lol... |
Posted By: agri2001
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 14:21
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She is setting you up to start supporting her AND her family. Having read your situation, and if I were you, run..! run as fast as you can away from her. ------------- Athiests are moral, they don't kill over religion. |
Posted By: BorisG
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 14:25
OK, IŽll bite. Free sex? IMO, the only free sex is one paid for  . The rest comes out much more expensive in comparison. Of course, there are things that are priceless or not quantifiable... like family, affection, but there is also a significant downside like stress, love crises, etc...
So, after this opening, I would like to challenge your illusion of "free" sex. I donŽt think such thing exists in grand quantities. I can site a few examples from my life experience when it came close to that, but otherwise one pays through the nose...
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Posted By: agri2001
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 14:29
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Boris, you hit the nail on the head. congrats....!
------------- Athiests are moral, they don't kill over religion. |
Posted By: Gringodude
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 14:30
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Dude either you're a symp or a pimp.. Get it together and take control, you sitting their trying to figure out how to solve her life problems, all the while you're losing focus on your own. ------------- Keeping the BrazilianLifestyle "Have a great day everyone" - Ray "You know who you are, now go and reflect!" - Esprit |
Posted By: tom72
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 15:05
I'm just tying to get some perspective... it's not about being a "symp or a pimp"...life's more complicated than that. |
Posted By: BorisG
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 17:18
Thank you. It surely beats getting hit by the nail on the head
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Posted By: cobrakhan5
Date Posted: 12 November 2011 at 19:33
| Seem the perspective given here is usually blunt honesty =) I dig it. |
Posted By: GreatBallsoFire
Date Posted: 14 November 2011 at 06:49
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If she was ugly, would you pay attention to her? Does she engage you in deep conversation? Do yo enjoy doing things together or just doing it together? Remember you cannot change anybody and this lady has a series of red flags and bombs blasting to alert you to the pure danger and various levels of hell you are about to enter. She sounds like a Lorena Bobbit.....Run like hell and don't look back. I've been there and know exactly what you are going through...
------------- Simia quam similis, turpissimus bestia nobis. Oi amigo, pode trazer a saideira? |
Posted By: cobrakhan5
Date Posted: 14 November 2011 at 10:21
| Yeah, it is not a "cultural" thing although I am sure certain circumstances can bring bad characteristics out of individuals. I was thinking the same thing.... if she were ugly would you stick with her..... I think it is your pride... you can say look at this super hot chick I got? I also have a tendency to go after the looks..... but not the way to go. I would rather have a cute girl with an amazing personality than a super hot chick who is a psycho freak. |
Posted By: marcobjj
Date Posted: 05 January 2012 at 07:30
| that's why I not fond of American guy Brazilian girl relationships. Brazilian women tend to be very spoiled and if you're used to the (relative) emotional independence of American women your entire life, their higher demand for attention can exaust you emotionally. |
Posted By: marcobjj
Date Posted: 05 January 2012 at 07:33
| myself I'm a big fan of Russian women for this reason, they are as girly and sexy as Brazilians but at the same time independent as american chicks. Best of both worlds. |
Posted By: spongebob
Date Posted: 19 January 2012 at 09:50
Emotional independence!!?? Before I came to Brazil, I had lived in America for a period of time. I was quite active dating women. Most American women I knew (in a very large metropolitan area were) very lonely on the inside. I think Brazilian women tend to be less lonely because of the proximity of their family. I also think American women are trained by the media to expect near "perfection" in men, which widdles down their chances even further of finding someone, which only contributes even more to the loneliness. Whereas in Brazil, if the guy looks OK, has a decent job, he's game. Depending on the circumstances, there may even be some competition for the guy. This is why I love Brazil. My wife is waaaay better looking than anything I ever went out with in America. ------------- - ** Just sayin' ** ** Make lemonaid out of lemons. ** ** Trolls get old...** |
Posted By: CheckPls
Date Posted: 19 January 2012 at 13:01
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You bring up a great point about what american women are trained to expect. Unfortunately the american men are trained the same and have a hard time getting past what the media tells them is acceptable.
The close proximity of family I am sure plays a part, but other countries the luxury of being close is dwindling as well as jobs become more global. No offense seems most not all Brasilian women look for support where in the US the trend is support the man. A lot of job have been lost.
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Posted By: spongebob
Date Posted: 19 January 2012 at 13:32
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@CheckPls, no offence taken. The media and mens' perceptions of women? I don't really recall any because before that, I had been living in Europe. In America I only remember that you are too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat, too bald, too much hair, etc... I remember going out with a lot of desperate women in their late 20s - mid 30s. Where I lived was quite "cold". All you could do was sit in traffic, work, sit in traffic again, and then watch TV alone and go to bed alone. I imagine a routine that for a woman with a ticking clock must be hell. I think the best time for everybody is the early twenties, at least it was for me. Lots of hooking up with lots of different people and no pressure. Globalisation? Brazil has some counter-measures against that seeing that almost everything is produced in Brazil. And the statistics have always backup up the fact that women tend to settle down close to their family - in all countries, even the US. So until we can re-write the genetic code for women, I doubt that's going to change anytime soon. ------------- - ** Just sayin' ** ** Make lemonaid out of lemons. ** ** Trolls get old...** |
Posted By: CheckPls
Date Posted: 19 January 2012 at 13:48
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ROFL ... until you said "too bald" I thought you were talking about what men think of US women....LOL
Don't like the cold myself but there are tons of things to do..... Agree with the 20s to the 30s. But in the 50s it is awesome, kids are grown and there are a whole lot of mature men to get to know and well as young guys to view....LOL
Again, here on the forum the men only talk about the beautiful women..... so not sure it is any different in Brasil...with the exception I make a kick as salary doing something I really like to do and not too far from retirement. From what I read Brasilian women don't stand a chance to make the kind of living that gives them the ability to be independant and have to rely on the kindness of strangers.
Both a man and a woman can work and still pamper each other. But I agree there are some women that have missed the whole point of not having it all. I am traditional so see things a bit different from most US women. But independence can be very sexy!
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Posted By: spongebob
Date Posted: 19 January 2012 at 16:44
My wife has many friends (the majority), who do pretty well. Some even make a lot of money, even compared to American women. Some are doctors, dentists, you name it. My wife IS lazy compared to all of her friends. She wanted a man to support her, exactly like you said. She works for me now, so at least I get something in return. Maybe Brazil has changed a lot in this respect.... but maybe it's a class thing or family. Who knows. ------------- - ** Just sayin' ** ** Make lemonaid out of lemons. ** ** Trolls get old...** |
Posted By: tom72
Date Posted: 08 February 2012 at 14:06
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Well, I think things are pretty much over with this chick. Things got to point where she got violent when she would get upset. F*ck that... Either throwing things at me or even sometimes grabbing me/hitting me, getting really physical, lol( laughing when this actually happens made things worse of course)....she would even try to goad me into hitting her( wtf?.. Like if I hit her it would justify her actions).... Of course, my reaction when this initially happened was complete shock, as I have never had a girl hit me or throw things at me before...And my first instinct as a human being when being attacked is to defend myself and hit back.... but I didn't.... so instead I would be left with a bunch of pent up adrenaline and anxiety and anger at her, which made me feel terrible... I would just tell her I'm not going to hit you, what's wrong with you, you don't hit people just because you're upset, etc etc...Then, as is typical, later on, she would be all remorseful... but I don't think she really cares... like she doesn't see it as a big deal, like it's all OK because she's angry and emotional. Of course, being the stupid forgiving person I am I would let it slide ( it's not like she could actually physically hurt me, she's just a girl).... but it wasn't about the "wrongness" of hitting someone physically, as much as the fact that this girl would let things "descend" into that type of relationship. She didn't have the same standards for communication and "conflict resolution" i guess. The relationship was becoming way too base. I think part of the problem was that I was justifying this behavior as just like that raw, primal male/female friction, and whether manifesting in either violent outbursts or dialogue didn't matter, or so I kept telling myself.... Because she was so attractive it's like I kept lying to myself, or imposing an ideal on a situation and person that was far removed reality. Then I realized I was just letting all my standards and values fall by the wayside while I tried to rationalize staying in a character deteriorating relationship. Leaving was tough though. On one hand you have a girl, who at least on a physical level, is going to be pretty tough to replace. On the other hand, if you don't leave, you know things won't get better. I guess the sacrifice of personal dignity wasn't worth it anymore... I dunno... I feel like I've been through the some crazy Brazilian grinder. |
Posted By: CheckPls
Date Posted: 08 February 2012 at 14:56
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Sounds like you are opting out of a bad situation... Which at some point we are the only ones that can save ourselves. Doesn't make it any easier. I opted out of a relationship a couple of years back... he was a nice guy but the negativity started outweighing the positive... Unfortunately I wasted a few years thinking tomorrow will be better. I look back at that relationship and still say "what a dumbass I was...." LOL I have been out of that relationship for a couple years and I will tell you life does get better!! Found a good man and loving life.....
I don't think any of us here will deny having problems with our better halves.... just part of life.... but your story for me is unbelievable. Glad you are out of it.
Just don't look back.... relationships are two sided give and take on both sides....
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Posted By: cobrakhan5
Date Posted: 08 February 2012 at 15:10
| what you do is get a pillow..... and hit her with it..... hahaha .... then you say " pillow fight" |
Posted By: post.trip
Date Posted: 11 February 2012 at 19:10
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I didn't read the whole thing, and I didn't read all the replies. I just don't have the time. But it looks like you and some other might have had some bad experiences with women from Brazil, or women in general. Keep in mind people are the same statisticly no matter where you come from. Yes it might appear that people are friendlier from one country as opposed to a different country , but this is just culture. Some cultures as more happy than others. Brazilian culture is happy. Now back to the women. If you meet a screwed up girl then she is screwed up. just like a screwed up American girl, Or a screwed up girl from anywhere else. She's a screwed up girl. Don't let her screw you up. I personally think Brazilian girls/women have much more to offer than American women. But that could be because I'm attracted to foriegn people as foriegn people are attracted to people foriegn to them. I think we are all interested in something different or exotic from our point of view. Anyone agree. That being said if you meet a Brazilian girl at a strip joint, or a bar that's what you get; a brazilian stripped instead of an american stripper, or a brazilian drunk instead of an american drunk. If you want to meet a nice girl from any culture you have to start with nice places. If the girl start acting jelous or screwed up, is it what you are doing or is it her ? If it's you then it's your own fault, if it's her then dump her ! I've been happily married to a Brazilian woman for 10 years and we don't have any problems at all.
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