I would be very grateful to hear some comments from people who have been there, done that, or know people first hand who have: I am about to make a huge change in my life because I think I have found true magical love with a Brazilian girl, single mother in her mid twenties (over a decade younger than I). Amazing girl whose passionate love makes me feel like in heaven on earth. I have always instinctively trusted her a lot, I think she has a genuine (in fact amazing) good heart. But we have not been able to spend much time together and we won't be able to before I am making a huge decision about my life betting everything on this one card.

As much as I am a romantic fool, I need to do some due diligence. I'm still so amazed that she would love me so dearly having just met me for few days (though intensely), why me? I mean I am a nice guy, o.k. and all, but no one has ever given me such affection. Too good to be true? I feel really bad about this second guessing, but since she comes from low class background I am concerned she (and her family) is into me (even subconsciously) in large parts for what I represent rather than who I really am.  I am getting the good sense of a lot of integrity and pride, they never ask me for anything material, but I am being pulled into the family big time, it scares me a little. I have to assess the risk that there may be expectations and hopes or assumptions about my economic power  that is fueling this and once the goal has been achieved, who knows how the emotions change. If this were to end in a disaster, I would have positively ruined a good life, not only mine, and all for what I would then call a foolish dream. So is it real? Can it last?

Obviously no one can give me specific advice about me and her, but I would like to know the odds, the good stories and some horror stories if they exist. So I can think clearly.

I read several reports that sound a bit like my story. People are just blown away by a lovely girl just conquering them with such grace and immense passion. It feels so good, there is no feeling like it. But I also read a lot here about divorces, jealousy issues, the guy who can never win an argument (that's me too, she is so powerful in her cute way), hysterical outbreaks in disputes. Or may be even that this affection which now is sweet like paradise may feel too much or suffocating later on. I think I would always love that because it feels so heavenly good now, but what can I watch out for or do to make that heaven last for a long time and prevent it from turning into a hell? Are there warning signs that I should be checking out?

I am especially concerned about the implication of the social status difference, and the survival instinct that may be at play here. Their living conditions are favela-like, although they have been trying to paint a different picture for me, and may be I am wrong. What experience has anyone made with marrying into a lower class family? Regrets? Warning signs? Advice how to handle it?

I love and trust her so much and she has always surprised me with her genuine goodness, I really don't want to keep second guessing her. But I am betting such a huge wager (and it's not the money I am concerned about) that I just have to do it with open eyes.

Thanks for sharing your stories and advice!


Edited by Squiddie - 27 June 2010 at 21:32

I would rather not discuss that part of the huge change. Let's just say, I thought life was supposed to be so-so, I thought true happiness does not exist and the art of a good life is to overcome desire and to make do. Inside of me I have longed for such an experience all my life: to be desired and delight in mutual exchange of affection. But have settled with less, and that would all unravel. Enough said about this, I want to focus on the odds not on the wager, I hope that is O.K.

Edited by Squiddie - 27 June 2010 at 21:46

There is no easy answer. My advice is this:

1. Don't be so dramatic. Sure, you feel like you're in love, but don't forget our rational side. For example, you can always find a way to make extra visits before you make any life changing decisions.

2. Ask yourself: have you dated someone with her background before? (single mother, poor, much younger, etc.) What if she was from your country? Are you romanticizing her because she's a poor Brazilian? What's your view/stance/relationship with the poor in your own country?

3. Ask her: has she dated someone with your background before? (middle/upper class, educated, etc.) What's her experience/history with foreigners? Is she, like many Brazilians I know, out "fishing" for a gringo (any gringo) who will sweep her away from the favela? Does she intend to live in Brazil or does she want to flee Brazil?

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Edited by charlote - 30 January 2011 at 14:16

Squiddie, I´d rather think about social differences than cultural differences. Middle-class university background is same all over the world, with some national flavour. However "Pretty Girl" style marriages are mostly doomed. Once the initial passion is over (and it will be over), what will you talk about if you have nothing in common? Same is valid for the girls. If a university graduate marries a truck driver, would you believe in "happily ever after"? Imagine yourself with this girl 10 years from now. Do you think it would work? You have to ask these questions yourself, not others.