It all depends on how naive your family is and how their expectations of you reflect how much you are willing to be affected by their approval or disapproval.

my 2 cents.


1. Does he speak english.

2.Have your family met him.

3.Are you both of the same race, religion, financial and educational background.

4.Do you really love him and is he the man you want spend the rest of your life with and does he feel the same.

5. Are you willing to work at your relationship every day and does he feel the same.

????

Edited by frank4000 - 03 June 2012 at 21:39

No I know, I was just wondering how it has worked out for other people. A lot has changed since I posted that other thing, but it definitely remains to be seen how it will all turn out. We're going to be living together for the first time when I get to Brazil, so obviously we'll have to see how that goes. Just thinking and wondering, thats all!

Originally posted by frank4000 3.Are you both of the same race, religion, financial and educational background.

I'd add ...do you have the same religion?  same ideas for children and child rearing?

Are your parents close to retirement?

Also, is he willing to consider moving to the US?  Just knowing that he WOULD move, if you both felt at some point in the future, that it would be mutually beneficial can help things.


In the end, the impact on your family has a lot to due with money.  It really isn't that different than marrying someone out of state (which isn't that hard with skype, google chat on your cellphone and constant messages from your parents), but money can be a big issue.  If you realistically think you can earn a good living in Brazil, then it might be worth the move.

The distance isn't too hard when things are going well, but if something major happens at home, you need to make sure you have enough money to go home on short notice.

For example, after years of going home every 12-15months, I found out in late Jan that my dad was diagnosed with cancer.  Even though I couldn't be with him as much as I would've liked, I was able to go home for a week during carnaval.  I am going home at the end of the month for 10days and again in early September, to celebrate the birth of my second niece.  I am far from rich, but my husband and I have enough money to allow this and my husband has been super supportive of my trips.  If I couldn't get home when I needed to, it would make living here much harder.


I think the distance gets worse when you have kids.  You will need to budget yearly flights home (possibly without your husband due to money, visa and job concerns) and might also have to choose between spending holidays with your husband or with your kids.  Unless your parents are wealthy, you might also need to budget for them to come visit you at least once a year (you can't expect them to pay for your choice to live abroad) and host them with you (or even with the in-laws).    You have to make an extra effort to introduce your kids to English, your family's traditions and culture, etc. to help ease their relationship with your parents.  

Financially, I think this can be more taxing in Brazil than in the US (with your husband's family in Brazil).


If you are thinking about marrying and possibly staying, you really should start having these talks with your bf, before you get too far in and someone ends up being hurt.  It's weird talking about child rearing and financial stuff when you aren't sure if it's in your future (if you will marry, even if you only want to have kids at 30, or even if you just want them in generally) but it's necessary.  You don't have to come to any conclusions early on - but if you can't have those hypothetical conversations, then the relationship probably isn't worth it and probably won't pan out.

At your age, its 50% about love and attraction and 50% about willing to compromise and not hold each other back from your potential (or your families).  As long as you can guarantee that, you'll figure the other stuff out and your families should respect your choices.

Originally posted by frank4000 my 2 cents. 1. Does he speak english. 2.Have your family met him. 3.Are you both of the same race, religion, financial and educational background. 4.Do you really love him and is he the man you want spend the rest of your life with and does he feel the same. 5. Are you willing to work at your relationship every day and does he feel the same. ????

That's 5 cents, not two.