I try to be a very open person. Monogamy was something created by religion and society, but as much as I would love for it not to affect me, it does. On the other hand, I'm pretty liberal with relationships as far as the long distance situation is concerned. I don't think a monogamous relationship makes a whole lot of sense for either of us, realistically. We may love each other, but we're still in our 20's (I"m in my very early 20's). I'm trying not to put too much pressure on the relationship while we're apart because I don't see it doing too much good. I think once we're back together, if we still feel the same, things will be that much better for having had a relaxed relationship.   


BUT---who knows? I'm not an expert on any of this...

Honestly I'm a bit shocked you're even having some of these questions lizza... especially if you're thinking of moving to Brazil to move in with him.

Wondering how serious the relationship is, is a bad bad sign. This should have already been established. It also points out to me that maybe you don't feel comfortable enough to ask those questions, which is another no go in any relationship.

The don't ask, don't tell policy is kind of shady in my opinion too. That just sets him up to think this type of behavior is ok.

Also I'd like you to point out to him if he thinks he's getting a free ride to the USA he's LOLWRONG! It is extremely difficult! Unless you have an extremely well paying job and can foot the bill yourself, take care of him, pay all the costs, lawyers, applications etc - he's not stepping foot over here.

There is the option of a sponsor, but as I came to find out unless your family/friend makes enough money and trusts the person, they're not signing anything for them!

See if his attitude changes then.

I know my spouses family thought I was loaded and going to whisk them away to the USA, in fact during our marriage the dreaded monster er mother in law had the nerve to blurt out "OOOOOO YOU'RE AN AMERICAN NOW! YOU CAN GO NOW!" ... I was like ha. ha. ha. Oh no we can't, (my spouse was already fully aware before we were even engaged that living in the USA with our financial situation was a pipe dream - they couldn't even come visit me!) even though I'd love nothing more than to return to home.

Anyway, at times I can sound a bit harsh, but it is all in good faith. Good luck to you, think things through and make sure he's thinking with the right head! ;)

Originally posted by spongebob But do you honestly think 4 months is enough? Gringos are still wearing the rosy-brazil-is-the-best-country-in-the-world glasses during that time.

I giggled out loud, my glasses were torn right off from my face and smashed into smithereens in the first month. But yes, there was once a point in time I too thought Brazil was thee best land ever! I want my glasses back!

Originally posted by lizza He was a wonderful boyfriend while I was in Brazil, but he wants me to come live with him at his mom's house (who I know, but not well) when I get back.

this is the one and only red flag you should need right here. Before you even get into the discussion of being or not faithful, think about this. He's a 26 year old living with his mom and trying to pull you in. If that doesn't scream loser, I don't know what does. Since your willing to marry him, why not move to america and make a better living for himself, is he too lazy to learn good english?

Yes I am planning on going to Floripa, that would be so funny if you knew him. From what I saw when I was in Brazil its not that uncommon for people to keep living with their parents until they get married or have a good reason to move out. He owns a business in Floripa thats doing pretty decent and he is taking English lessons. I feel like people are jumping to a lot of conclusions here. I talked to him about how serious he is about our relationship and being together when I go back to Brazil and he's definitely serious about it. He seemed really shocked that I was unsure before. Anyways, thanks for all of the input. I think I know what I am going to do now!

Oh and thanks for the tip about the apartment! I am just going to live with him and his mom when I very first arrive for a couple of weeks until I can get my feet on the ground and get my own place.

Anyways, I will post how this all ends up working out later on, but wish me luck!!