So I am an American girl who was dating a brasileiro in Brazil over the summer. We are not officially still together while I am in the U.S. but we talk a few times a week and I have plans to go back in the next 6 months. I am 21 and he is 26, so we are old enough that we should be able to have a mature relationship. He was a wonderful boyfriend while I was in Brazil, but he wants me to come live with him at his mom's house (who I know, but not well) when I get back. I am really into this guy and he has even mentioned marrying me, but I'm worried that Brazilian guys are unfaithful oftentimes and not completely honest. The main thing that worries me is that he one time warned me to be careful of brazilian guys because lots of them want to marry an american. Does this sound like something that could quickly become a disaster? I trust him, but I don't want to be completely naive.

do you think staying 4 months was a long enough time to get a good general idea if I like it? I speak almost fluent Portuguese, but misunderstandings definitely happen between us sometimes because of the language/cultural barrier. I've heard that if you've been introduced to their family, thats typically a sign that they take you fairly seriously as their girlfriend and his grandma and aunt loved me. My main worry is just that I'm really relaxed about whatever he's doing over there for now since I'm not there (don't ask, don't tell policy for both of us), but I don't want him to get over me because of that. Dating brasileiros is more complicated than I realized!!

I was just thinking about this a little more after my last post.

This will sound like an old fart talking--and I am a lot older than you.

But you know, if you feel like it's a good idea, go for it. You're young and if it doesn't work out it won't be the end of the world (although it will feel like it). Worst case scenario, you'll have an experience most people will never have. Best case scenario, it will all work out and you'll have a great life in Brasil. You'll never really now until you do it.

I did what you're thinking of doing beginning 12 years ago. I went back and forth between Canada and Brasil for almost two years, and then moved here. I'm still here, and still married to the same person. We don't have any trust issues.

Either that, or see the recent thread in these forums about hiring a private eye (joking).

as a side note he asked me "se voce vier a gente vai ficar junto?" to which I responded "voce esta perguntando se eu vou morar contigo quando eu chegar?" and he responded "tambem". ....I know ficar has multiple meanings but I know at least one of them is not a good thing if you are planning on being someone's girlfriend! which is why I'm nervous he doesn't take it as seriously anymore... not sure if I am misinterpreting that one though

Edited by lizza - 16 November 2011 at 09:46

Originally posted by lizza Yeah I'm mainly just trying to get an idea of how seriously he takes me as a girlfriend since the cultural differences can be confusing. I feel like most of the positives are there...I know his language, his family/friends/coworkers etc., and he wants me to live with him when I get there. I'm mostly concerned about the "oh cool! I have an american girlfriend!" factor which was cool for him at the time but that he may not take that seriously. I think the only way is going to be to just flat out ask him as directly as possible. I have my reservations about doing this too soon because I don't want to put too much pressure on the situation, but in some ways its probably the sooner the better. Thanks for your help!

Well he didn't say let's move in together in the US so I wouldn't worry too much about the "Oh cool! I have an American girlfriend" thing.

I also don't think we can generalize.
There are Brazilians that are dying to get out of Brazil and will marry whoever/whenever to get a green card. But obviously they're not all like that. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) didn't want to leave Brazil when I asked him to. People made comments to me to be careful since he's Brazilian and I'm American. I ignored them because I know him, not them. Fast forward 7 years and we've been married for 4.5 and are expecting our first baby - in Brazil.

I say only you can really know what to do. I mean, what does your gut tell you?