Ok, let me first start off by saying I have been in love with Brazil the country and culture for a while.  It probably started after seeing "City of God" years ago... just the vibrancy of colors, the natural beauty of the place, and the seemingly endless intensity and energy of the people(that quite honestly, made the people in the U.S. look like sluggish robots) made me fall in love... I do realize and acknowledge the shortcomings... Brazilian bureaucracy, huge rifts between rich and poor, and this incredible unrealistic idealism of Brazilian people(which somehow is still endearing)....anyways...

I don't expect the following to get me any sympathy, because it's all my own doing... but recently over the past few months I've been seeing this Brazilian girl who lives in Massachusetts(has been here for 10 years, is here illegaly because of an expired fiance visa...which apparently is the worst type of visa to be expired on).   I met her at a strip club( I know, I know)... and we've been dating for a while.   I honestly have no gripes with what she is doing(it would make me a hypocrite for one, and second she is a very loyal person(doesn't see/hangout with strange men(outside of work))...She NEVER asks me for money, or expects me to pay for things/dinner etc...

The problem, however, is the jealousy and extreme changes in emotion day to day(sometimes hour to hour)... I've never experienced such insane jealousy in my life or mood swings with a girl.  For one, she insists(repeats constantly like some reel) that she needs a guy that "trusts" her(in relation to her job, and i not having sex for money in the strip club)...which I do, but she is always accusing me of being with other girls or looking at others girls(which i make vigilant effort not to do when we're together)...she knows and has acknowledged how crazy she gets, but continues to act the same way again and again(WTF?). 

When she is drinking is the worst.  She becomes VERY hostile and starts hurling insults at me... she'll make a scene at a club, she doesn't care... this always happens with no justification(sounds ridiculous i know) but it's like out of know where her moods takes a turn for the worst, and she gets very aggressive towards me(what i think happens is she'll get it into her mind that i'm looking at another girl or something and then use that to justify her outburst).... she'll hit the wall or door or something... she looks at me with almost rage in her eyes, but at the same time with self-pity, if you get what i mean... its a look of mean desperation....

When this first started happening I honestly had i know idea what was happening... I tried to calm her down, ask what was the matter, just "take it," whatever nasty things she was sayings... now I just leave the situation, drop her home and leave... she'll say to never come back again, she hates me etc etc... then the next day she'll act like nothing happened. ...foolishly I keep coming back, hoping I guess, that my perseverance will change her.

She'll constantly say that "Brazilian girls are jealous" and that I can take it or leave it... like that's just "how it is", that i just have to deal with this behavior...and sort of calm attempt at discussing her behavior always results in another fight.

So i guess I'm just venting.  I know it's not a healthy relationship to be in.  She is very beautiful and maybe that, combined with her intensity keeps me coming... I've never had someone "love" me so much(or say they do)... I don't know if this is "love" but her intensity and affection towards me is real...maybe too much...she talks about having children and me being her future husband all the time...

Pros: She's not looking at me as a rich American(which i'm not) or someone to supplement her income.  She loves me.

Negs: She can be very hostile, aggressive to me.  She's way to jealous.

Additional info... i don't go to strip clubs, ever anymore... i don't even go to see her at her job(which she asks me to do sometimes) because she'll think i want another girl... I barely if ever hang out with my friends anymore...because she always thinks i'm cheating or something, or dont want to be with her....when we get into fights... i don't bring up her work, or try to degrade her that way... like "how can you be jealous when you have other guys touching you all the time".... i just try to explain how unhealthy her obsession is... i don't know what to do anymore... i know i need to stop seeing her but i've been sucked in somehow...

On some level, I might just be making excuses to myself because I want to be with a beautiful brazilian girl for its own sake, letting things slide that i would never let slide with an American girl... i know it's stupid.

Oh yeah, one last thing... why are Brazilians SO obsessed with blondes... it's worse than being with a Nazi,lol




Edited by tom72 - 11 November 2011 at 18:08

1) Taking clothes off for money
2) Taking clothes off for money
3) Taking clothes off for money

You really think this is healthy on any level? She most likely has some serious backed up emotional issues she never dealt with.... maybe she was abused..... could speculate forever... ask her about her family and see if she gets mad.

Wow.....

Thanks for the comments, guys.

One thing she does is complain about how much she hates her job, feels shameful, "dirty" etc(i know, its cliche)(which makes me feel very awkward... like she wants my pity and sympathy but at the same time she's making waaay more money than me)... and that she "has" to do it because she needs to send money to Brazil...which i find a little odd since she used to clean houses before she started dancing so money wasn't an issue then... although i understand her family doesn't have a lot of money in Brazil(they're not living in a favela though) and the money she makes definitely helps them...and now she has taken on expenses(car/nice apartment) that requires her to make more money, so in a way she has set to conditions to justify her continuation of stripping...but yet again, it is a way for her to save a lot of money for her future...it's just almost unbearable how she wants me to feel sorry for her  and understanding of her "struggle" at the strip club, while being hyper-jealous and insecure at the same time... it just seems like a very selfish way of acting, i dunno.

From what I understand, however, is that the sex industry is more culturally accepted in Brazil than it is in the U.S.  So maybe it's not as difficult for her(vs an American girl) to separate her "job" from her regular life(although it doesn't seem that way).

She says she wants to stop stripping eventually and open a business, in what, I have no idea...and neither does she, nor does she understand how difficult starting a small business is...

I guess the only thing I have to decide is if it's worth sticking it out(untill she stops stripping... which could be YEARS down the line)... unless her behavior changes, i dunno...

Does anyone have any experience with a Brazilian girl in the sex industry who quits the job to have a real life with a gringo?... cliche again, i know, lol...

OK, I´ll bite. Free sex? IMO, the only free sex is one paid for . The rest comes out much more expensive in comparison. Of course, there are things that are priceless or not quantifiable... like family, affection, but there is also a significant downside like stress, love crises, etc...

So, after this opening, I would like to challenge your illusion of "free" sex. I don´t think such thing exists in grand quantities. I can site a few examples from my life experience when it came close to that, but otherwise one pays through the nose...

Originally posted by cobrakhan5 There is a difference in paying for sex/sex entertainment and dating a person involved. I personally won;t do either cause sex is free and would be too much baggage with a someone involved in sex industry.... women already have enough baggage don;t need her to carry a suitcase home every night. I would kill myself Plenty of hot americans around or go to Brazil.... you can go with me next year hah