By Kyle Hedlund
Warning: Mixology websites all over the Internet are providing procedures for substandard caipirinhas. Even the highly respected Epicurious recipe site contained the reprehensible recommendation to replace juicy Brazilian limes with "a small can of frozen lemonade." While the substitution in question was submitted by a mere reader (not the Epicureans themselves), this is tantamount to using powdered mashed potato for your sushi when you run out of rice. The horror. To rectify this grievous offense, Gringoes.com asked self-proclaimed expert Andreas Saller to educate the masses in the art of caipirinha-making.
Before giving his personal demonstration of how to do it right, Andreas supplied a little balada trivia. Did you know that the word "caipirinha" comes from a pejorative ("caipira") meaning "hick," "country bumpkin," or whatever your preferred term for disparaging rural folk might be? Yes, alcohol and insults go together like politics and promises (they seem like good ideas when you make them, but there tends to be trouble backing them up). Now cachaça, Brazilian firewater often crafted by caipiras, is the magic ingredient behind caipirinhas, but Andreas recommends vodka-based caipiroskas in order to lessen the corrosive effects of the pinga. Traditionalists and hillbillies can simply substitute cachaça/pinga/rotgut for vodka in the recipe to follow.
The secret (well, not any more) to making the perfect caipirinha/caipiroska, according to Andreas, is twofold. First, you have to use finely granulated cane sugar. Nothing else will do. I Googled up a suggestion for "syrup" instead of sugar, but this is simply unacceptable. If you do not have access to an ample supply of cane sugar for the evening, you can substitute whatever else you like, but don‘t call it a caipir-anything. Better yet, just go straight to bed.
The second fold of our just-revealed secret is that the limes have to be cut right. If you do not adhere to the proper procedure, your drink will become like my wife‘s great aunt: bitter and intolerant. What you need to do is quarter the limes, then slice out the nasty white center bits. This will leave you with just peel and pulp. Make sure you use a very sharp, non-serrated knife. Dull or jagged utensils will cause some "bleeding" into the fruit-not of fingers (unless you are cutting under the influence) but of the bitter white parts of the lime. Halve your quartered pieces so that you have eight plump little green chunks of juiciness in front of you on the counter.
Now before we continue, close your eyes and visualize the ideal caipiroska-making environment. Picture your nice clean counter, with the recently riven emerald octet resting comfortably beside your knife on the one side. Note the bursting bag of powdery cane sugar on the other. There should be a bucket of crushed ice sidling by a chilled bottle of vodka. And the soon-to-be piece de resistance is an empty, wide-mouthed highball or lowball glass. Open your eyes. You are ready.
Drop the lime pieces into your glass. I believe it was DaVinci‘s work with the divine proportion that first showed the world how a perfect caipiroska requires precisely one lime-no matter the size of the mug. Add in 2 heaping tablespoons of cane sugar (don‘t scrimp). Press the sugar and fruit together-call it smushing if you like. It is very important to smoosh them a lot so that they become a homogenous entity. (The best smooshers, a.k.a. pestles, can be purchased wherever Brazilians are found.) Taste for sweetness. Fill the glass to the brim with ice. Fill the empty spaces to the top with vodka. Stir.
Andreas says that before your caipiroska is ready to be consumed, you can go one of two ways with it. If you are a person with delicate sensitivities, you will want to mix the concoction with a spoon. The finished product will come in the form of a highly drinkable clear liquid with evenly distributed vodka. For a more robust experience it is preferable to place a hand (your own) over the top of the glass and give a vigorous shake. The nectar will be cloudy and delicious. Enjoy.
Readers' Comments
1) Thanks for the very articulate explanation on how to make the perfect caipiroska. I generally agree with the procedure, but would make the following recommendation on how to "scale" this recipe. The issue is that all your friends want a caipiroska (which they will!), or you are serving a bunch of folks your favorite feijoada or other Brazilian meal with caipiroska.
Preparing the caipiroska in the manner described a glass at a time gets tedious. My approach is to use a large quart size glass pitcher. Follow the same process of quartering the limes. I have started to use vinyl gloves for preparing up to 6 limes for a pitcher of caipiroska. Lime juice will eat your hands and stain your skin if you are not careful. I also cheat a little by squeezing each quarter a bit to extract the juice. Once you have a pitcher with 4 to 6 limes quarters, add generous amounts of vodka. I sometimes will add about a half a 750 ml bottle. Use the granulated sugar as prescribed in the article to taste. At this point, you can use a wooden spoon to stir and smash the limes some more. I do not add ice at this point, but prefer to place ice in glasses and pouring caipiroska upon serving. As you‘re guest will quickly finish off your first batch, you can add some more vodka, sugar and just smash the limes a little harder in the pitcher to extract some more juice.
Granted this is a more mass production approach, but you will keep many of your friends happy and save yourself a lot of effort and time. Better to spend the time with your friends enjoying your caipiroska!
Kevin McLaughlin
2) One thing I have seen in the preparation of a Caipirinha is to place the limes in the bottom of the glass/pitcher with the pulp facing up so that when the pestle is applied it will extract more of the juice and less of the bitterness of the rind. In addition, after crushing the lime add a little cachaca or the poison of your choice (I prefer Bacardi Gold) and the sugar so that it dissolves and then the ice and the remainder of your liquor plus you can stir it with your finger! Enjoy!
Mike Meehan
3) Dear Caiprinha Lover,
Although most everybody at some point make their caipirinha with vodka, instead of pinga, take it from an expert: it is a revolting combination. Should you be concerned about the evil effects of cachaça upon your health (now, don‘t make me laugh - I mean, you drink Jack Daniels don‘t you?) the one and only possible decent substitution is white RUM. Have a taste and then tell me about it.
Bottoms up!
Melissa Watson
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