By Zoe Fitzgerald
September 3, 2007
Fans of the British comedy, "Allo, Allo", will remember secret agent, Officer Crabtree, who attempted to pose as a local policeman. However his "French" was hilariously bad with mispronunciations resulting in confusion and comic statements such as, "God Moaning. The resist-once have accqo-aired a bum. They are going to ex-plod the whaleway brodge". I like to call these comic mispronunciations, Crabtree Moments - of which I have had my fair share during my first year here in Brazil.
In my first month it was presidential election time, and feeling quite brave after several caipirinhas one evening, I attempted to converse with the taxi driver about the local political situation. I wanted to ask him, "No brasil, é obrigatório votar?" (In Brazil, is it compulsory to vote?). However the words that came from my mouth were, "No brasil, é obrigatório foder?" (In Brazil, it is compulsory to f**k?). The taxi driver chuckled, and replied calmly, "Sempre, sempre" (Yes, always, always). I quickly realized my mistake and embarrassed, tried to clarify the situation. Luckily I was sitting in the back of the taxi and not far from home!
Another "related" story involves innocent T-shirts. My colleagues had some T-shirts printed for an event. I wasn't able to collect mine at the designated time so I called a colleague from the marketing department, whom I have never met, to arrange my pick-up. I wanted to ask, "Você ainda tem as camisetas?" (Do you still have the T-shirts?), but I actually asked, "Você ainda tem as camisinhas?" (Do you still have the condoms?). Just to keep the theme going, when I first started working in Brazil it was a turbulent period of union negotiations and one afternoon I was a bit confused whether or not I needed to show up for work the next day. So I tried to ask my colleague, "Amanhã vamos estar em greve?" (Tomorrow will we be on strike?), but instead I asked her, "Amanhã, vamos estar gravidas?" (Tomorrow will we be pregnant?). She told me she was not planning on being but would depend what I got up to that night.
Coconut is a popular and refreshing drink here in Brazil that I enjoy. Poo is obviously not something that you want to drink. However I once horrified a waiter by mispronouncing my order for coconut juice (água de côco) as "agua de cocô" (literally "poo water"). These funny accent thingies and the Brazilian way of putting emphasis on the second last sound of the word make a big difference!!
My gringo friends also have numerous "Crabtree moments" of mispronunciation - confusing pulseiras (bracelets) with crude descriptions for parts of the female anatomy whilst speaking to your wife's boss, and pintas (moles) with a common nickname for a part of the male anatomy. If you are new in Brazil and making the effort to learn Portuguese these stories are not meant to scare you - but to entertain and show that Crabtree moments are unavoidable learning experiences that are sure to put a smile on people's faces (at least after the initial shock has worn off!).
Readers Comments:
Reading your article reminded of my husband‘s first trip to Brazil.
Before the holiday, John decided to attend three lessons in Portuguese. Unfortunately, the lessons were "Portuguese from Portugal". Anyhow, he knew that whilst in Brazil I wanted a handbag in crocodile skin.
One afternoon whilst visiting Recife, I went to the hairdresser, whilst my husband went shopping to buy my handbag, and of course be proud of his Portuguese.
I cannot forget the expression on his face, when he came back, quite annoyed, becasue he was speaking in Portuguese, and the people in the boutique could not understand what he was saying.
This is his story:
He asked the shop assistant for "a handbag, for a woman in crocodile skin" which he said in a very strong English accent "Uma mala pra mula in crocodile".
Having repeated uma mala pra mula in crocodile several times and, thinking that he was actually asking for my promised handbag he could not understand why so many people stared at him and were laughing.
Only when he came back to our hotel, and very angrily asked me, why couldn‘t they just told him, that there wasn‘t any handbag instead of so many people staring at him talking like a fool. When I translated to him that what he was asking for was "One suitcase for a female donkey in crocodile", that he understood the joke.
Handbag in Brazil = bolsa, but in Portugal, bolsa = mala. MUlher and not mula
He has been back to Brazil, for about 12 times since 1980, and has never learnt another Portuguese word since then.
-- Zee
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